Avoiding Sexual Abuse—No Secrets Policy

Every family has their own way of handling information after something happens. Whether it is a family tragedy or a bully at school--it is important to determine how YOUR family will handle information not just after an event happens, but BEFORE an event happens. Sexual Abuse is a real danger in our society and it can be difficult to discuss in an age appropriate way. Many families are not sure where to start, what to say, what not to say, etc. Its never too early and its never too late. Even if you have teenage children this conversation needs to happen. 

As a mother of two girls, I understand how hopeful parents are that our children will come to us with sensitive information, especially if their emotional or physical safety is involved. While doing research on how to educate my kids—I recently read about how some families have a “No Secrets Policy.” I love this concept. Here are three things I learned about developing a system on how my family can handle ourselves, information, and our bodies to avoid a sexual abuse issue.

1. Have a “NO SECRETS POLICY.” In my family we are going to introduce a NO SECRETS POLICY. We will not allow secrets in our family of any kind. Sexual Abusers thrive off of your child being able to keep a secret. Secrets occur because children are ashamed of what has happened to them or they have been threatened not to share this information with others. If your child knows secrets are not allowed in your home, then they will not be intimidated to keep them from you-- especially if they are in danger. Tell your kids: “We do not allow secrets in our family. You can tell mommy or daddy ANYTHING!” Keep the culture of open communication!
   
2. Have Body Rules. Another concept I learned about is having Body Rules for you family. Together you go over what the rules are for your child's body. For example: “We do not allow ANYONE to touch your private parts.” “We do not touch anyone else's private parts.” “When someone asks you to keep a secret, even if followed by a threat, you tell them we do not keep secrets in our family. Then you tell your parents immediately.” You can develop as many rules as you feel comfortable. Post them in your home. This idea will help you clearly define accept and unacceptable “body behavior.”
   
3. Be Proactive, Not Reactive. If you don't talk about abuse then your kids will not understand how to respond to potential situations. You cannot afford to wait to till after a situation happens. As parents, you have to plan ahead, even when it pertains to communication. 
   

As a parent, I am constantly monitoring where my children are, who they are with, how long will they be there. My oldest daughter is often annoyed with the over communication, but I cannot afford to take ANY chances with their innocence. Plan ahead. Talk a lot. Build a culture of trust in your home.

For more information on where these ideas originated from and to read an example of 
“The Body Rules” please click on link below: 
http://denver.citymomsblog.com/parenting/why-we-dont-keep-secrets-in-our-house/

Julie Signorelli is a wife,
mother of 2, pastor,
and PATH blogger in Chesterton, IN.

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