Hello, PATH parents!
Congratulations, we made it to 2021! As we all know, at this time in history, that’s a real accomplishment! A new year typically ushers in a breath of fresh air, hopes for new beginnings. What hopes are stirring in you? Are there any areas where you need new beginnings with your teens? New beginnings with communication? New beginnings with conflict resolution? New beginnings with cultivating a closer relationship?
Sometimes even small adjustments can make a big difference! What New Year’s Resolutions have been coming to mind as you start this new year as a family? Statistics vary, but I recently read: “Research shows that as many as 50 percent of adults in the United States make New Year’s resolutions, but fewer than 10 percent keep them for more than a few months” (https://www.westernconnecticuthealthnetwork.org/newsroom/article-listing/new-years-resolution). Many people do not keep New Year’s resolutions because they go too big, declaring things like, “I will exercise 2 hours every single day!” But that action plan isn’t realistic. Few of us have 2 hours to spend at the gym or running on a home treadmill, let alone carving out the time to do it EVERY day!
As you think of new beginnings with your family for 2021, consider small, attainable ways that you can build the today and the future that you want to live in together.
Maybe it’s just having more family dinners or creating a weekly family game night. (We’ve been having so much fun with the Jackbox games I showed you last month!) Maybe it’s establishing a once-a-month parent-daughter date night or parent-son outing. It doesn’t have to be grand or expensive; it just has to be on the calendar to show your teen that he or she is a priority!
Teens often act like they don’t want or need us, but honestly, they need our love, support, and mentoring during these teen years as much as ever! (And while they might not admit it, they want our time and attention, too.)
So let’s be intentional in 2021 to take little steps toward the family dynamics we want to experience most.
I used to laugh that the childhood years were “long days, short years.” But now that I have all teenagers, I realize how very short these TEEN years are feeling! I feel the pressure to be intentional, to embrace the joy (and even the messiness) of mentoring our teens while I still have it! Before we know it, time will speed by, and they will be graduated and suddenly off on their own adult adventures.
As always, be kind to yourself regarding your own expectations. Rome wasn’t built in a day, as it’s said, and new beginnings sometimes take a minute to become the norm and produce the results for which you’re hoping. Hang in there, and try your best to enjoy the 2021 journey! Maybe it will be smoother than 2020, or maybe it won’t, but regardless, as we are intentional with our teens, bright days are ahead! As always, thank you for being on the parenting journey with us at PATH! We are here for you, cheering you on!
Happy New Year, everyone!
Hello, PATH parents!
Somehow we have muscled our way through the very long and trying year of 2020 and have arrived to December! This is a month that we and our teens typically look forward to, with its holiday break from school, special parties with family and friends, and meaningful activities that are only done during this time of year. Perhaps you have been wondering if, due to certain dynamics your family is facing as part of this chaotic year in history, the holidays will really be the same.
The truth is that they may not be the same. However, they can still be a very precious time with your family, an opportunity to give your teenagers a feeling of normalcy that they haven’t felt in a while.
Our family has had a challenging year with a major move, new jobs for my husband and me, a new community, and new schools for our teens. In this whirlwind of new, my husband also had a significant health event. How did my teens cope?
While my husband and I were at the emergency room, my teens surprised us by pulling out all our holiday décor and completely decorating the house for Christmas! Yes, it was the weekend BEFORE Thanksgiving, but my teens explained that it felt so great to crank the Christmas music, get busy, and bring some much needed Christmas cheer to our lives.
Traditions are powerful! They are an anchor in our teenagers’ lives that assures them that some things are constant. Even when life seems a bit uncertain, some things can be counted upon to stay the same.
I encourage you to enjoy as many holiday traditions as you can this year. Even if you can just do one or two meaningful things that you normally do with your teenagers this time of year, it counts!
This year can also be one for starting new traditions. Perhaps instead of the typical family outing you normally do, this year you have a game night at home. Or rather than going out for family bowling, you challenge each other on the Wii gaming system instead. Maybe this is the year that you finally pull out Grandma’s beloved recipes and bake some fun desserts together!
Your teens don’t need a mound of gifts under the tree this year as much as some set-aside time with you. They need some special moments that reassure them that there is still plenty to be grateful for and that everything is going to be okay. Truthfully, we as parents could use those special moments, too!
Happy Holidays from all of us here at PATH! May the end of 2020 be the sweetest part of this year for you and your family!
I wouldn’t call myself a Scrooge, but I am certainly not known for being the most festive person in my friend group or family. I’ve always liked decorating the tree, wrapping gifts, and eating special cookies around this time of year. I have not been, however, the person who decorates that tree as soon as possible, or who goes mad on Black Friday, or who even has a particular knack for baking good cookies. Many years, I regret to say it, the holiday spirit felt like another chore to check off. Instead of feeling like a break or a celebration, some tasks felt like obligations that got performed almost robotically and hurriedly so I could get back to finals at Purdue, or start the job search and refocus on my next steps. It being the end of the year always gave my holiday season a sense of urgency that I couldn’t push from my mind for very long before feeling like my December was putting my January at risk of failure.
This year has been different. My family got our tree early and it wasn’t a hassle to find the time to do so. I discovered a treasure trove of ribbons in the attic and have already expertly wrapped several carefully chosen gifts. Best of all possibly, I am already dog-earring recipes from my grandma’s old books to begin practicing with. I can tell I am not the only one with an invigorated sense of the season; my neighbors had their lights up and brighter than ever by mid November. My mind is split in a million more directions than it ever has been, but somehow that seems to have been the push that got me to slow down this year. What helped the most was probably letting go of the idea of expectations. There is no pressure to do things perfectly this year, considering so much is outside of my control. It will be a holiday season unlike any other but while much of that is due to outside circumstances, we still have control over at least some of how we make this season special. My family has agreed to make this the year of simple pleasures; we will grow in our gratefulness for that which we so often overlook. We cook together more often. We share more stories and take the time to listen well. We pay attention to the details around us.
It is easy to dwell on all that we will miss this year - I won’t even begin to list them. That feeling of loss is entirely valid, but I cannot allow it to overwhelm my gratitude for this new perspective opportunity. Instead of commiserating each night about what we would have been doing, I want to celebrate what we have discovered this year that we were too busy to notice in years past. Being forced to slow down has truly humbled me this season. While my long term goals are worthy of my time, I must also remember to take a step back and appreciate what is right in front of me.
A Positive Approach to Teen Health (P.A.T.H) is a 501(c)3 organization that reaches seven counties throughout Northwest Indiana. Since 1993, A Positive Approach to Teen Health has been working to empower teens to make healthy choices regarding drugs, sex, alcohol, and violence.