Five Ways to Speak Your Child's Language

Have you heard of the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? This isn't just for married couples. A love language is how a person likes to feel loved by another. Everyone has a love language-- even your teen. No matter how busy, athletic, emotional, artistic, tech savvy, or withdrawn they seem they still have a way they prefer to feel loved. Take a minute to learn about the five different ways to let your child know you love them.

1. Words of Affirmation. This is telling your child with words they are valued, loved, doing a good job, played a good game, they have an awesome band, etc. It's saying it. And it's saying it often. It's not telling other people about how awesome your children are. Words of Affirmation is about telling your child how amazing they are daily. This can happen in a heartfelt way or just in passing.
2. Acts of Service. Although when you have a teenager it may feel like your child should be showing YOU love by doing the dishes, the reality is that some teenagers feel love by someone doing something for them. This might be cleaning their room, packing their lunch, or having their favorite drink in the fridge. If your teen feels love by “acts of service” the little things you do for them will not go unnoticed.
   
3. Receiving Gifts. This doesn't just mean an XBOX or an iPhone. In fact the gift doesn't have be much money at all, although I'm sure the expensive tech gifts would be greatly appreciated. People who feel love by gift giving appreciate not just money, but value. They value you thinking of them. If this describes your teen, get creative. Keep your ears ready for hints about things they are interested in or enjoy. If they love gifts then they probably like surprises too.
   
4. Quality Time. Put the cell phone away. Shut the laptop. Turn off the TV. The teenager who values quality time wants your full attention-- face to face. If you are out at the mall together or having dinner, but are on your phone the entire time, this does nothing for the teen valuing quality time. They need you. All of you. Engage with them in a conversation with eye contact. A little bit can go a long way. 
5. Physical Touch. This isn't everyone. Especially as teens can go through stages where the thought of a hug or kiss from their parent would make them want to gag. You might have grown up in a house where no one showed physical affection to one another, but it doesn't mean your child cannot have physical touch as one of their love languages. Even if it's difficult for you give them a hug or put your arm around them, DO IT! It will speak volumes to their heart. 

If you would like to find out more about the Five Love Languages written by Gary Chapman you can visit their website Five Love Languages for Teens. You can take a quiz to find out what your teen's love language is.